by: Ellie posted: 11 months ago
…really? You’re going to sit there and tell me that fanwars are still happening in 2017? Oh honey... really? Are we not past this? Have we not transcended the foolishness that is goading passionate loyalists into verbal violence and achieved a higher state of happiness with our music choices?
Yeah, okay, maybe not. But we should. Unless you’re eight years old or younger, you should not be having fanwars. Not at your age. By the time you’re nine years old, with all this technology and education floating around, I expect you to know better. We all make mistakes, and that’s fine, but some people are fanwar magnets. If, like me, you have enough things to be stressed about and you want to avoid the usual end-of-year drama that the MAMAs and other award shows inevitably represent, keep on reading.
Rule number one is: mind your own damn business. Not every tweet or facebook post needs a sarcastic, shady, sassy remark. You need to accept that stupid is a disease most catching amongst members of the human species, and that unless you’re a whole new type of doctor, you can’t cure anybody. And certainly not if you’re going to use that tone. Don’t look at me like that. You know exactly what tone I mean. The tone that, if used against your momma, would get you an ass-whooping that your grandchildren would still feel.
Rule number two is: know what you’re talking about. If you absolutely have to speak up – whether somebody was rude about your bias or they’re dropping straight lies – you need to be able to back yourself up with the sources to ensure that everybody knows YOU know what you’re talking about. Don’t go around shooting your mouth off when you’ve got the approximant K-Pop knowledge of a clueless reactor on a Finebros video. Back yourself up. Get the sources. If you don’t know 100% for a fact that you are correct, I’d like to escort you back to rule number one.
Rule number three is: keep a civil tongue in your head. I don’t know where some of you were raised, but we were raised on different planes of existence. I’m as sassy as they come, but you best believe my parents beat me into polite speech as a child. If you don’t want to come off as a foaming-at-the-mouth hybrid creature, unintelligent and immature, you need be civil. Nobody’s asking you to make a BFF collage of you and the person who just said your favourite group is shit, but name-calling and personal attacks (e.g. ‘you really think you can talk about them with hair like that?’) are so immature. Insulting the other party means you’ve already lost. Insulting the other party means you have nothing with more meaning to say to them. Your argument loses weight and you lose face. That’s a lose-lose situation, boo.
Rule number four is: when the other party starts violating one of the first three rules, excuse yourself from the conversation. “I do not appreciate being spoken to in this manner, and I will not carry on a discussion with an immature, impolite person who is not my equal,” is so powerful. Not only are you taking the high ground, you’re also signalling to the other person that they’re really making a bit of a show of themselves. When your opponent gets passionate and violent, it’s easy to be sucked into their kind of rhetoric. Don’t fall for it. It does nobody any good. Go cool your head off.
Rule number five is: do you really need to say what you’re about to say? If you’re about to tweet or post something that you already know is controversial, second-guess yourself. And third-guess. And fourth-guess, boo. What you’re saying might be entirely valid, but if people can take it the wrong way, they will. If it is not: A) vital information, that B) needs to be in the public awareness, that C) has to be said by you, specifically, and D) will enrich the world with valuable knowledge, then do you really need to make a whole post about it? If you need to vent, hit up somebody in a private chat. Yell into the void in a draft post. Posting offensive content online is a one-way ticket to fanwar hell.
And rule number six: what do you do if you see fanwar-inciting content? It’s hard to de-escalate a fanwar that the OP particularly wants to incite, but you can always hit them with one of these. “Trying to fight with other fandoms? Really? At your age?” As an Irish person, I tell you this: a little Catholic ‘shame and guilt’ never hurt anybody.
And there you have it! If we all try to follow these steps as diligently as possible, maybe – just maybe – we might all survive to see the end of January 2018, when the awards show peter out and everybody gets a little less sensitive.
Is everybody excited about the upcoming awards season? What are your survival tactics for MAMAs and other end-of-year shenanigans? Let us know down in the comment section below!
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